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You’re Doing it Wrong

I most likely don’t know you and we’ve probably never met, but I do know one thing about you: you’re doing it wrong.

You see, the way you hold your pistol is all wrong.

If your thumbs aren’t pointed up then you’re doing it wrong.
If your thumbs aren’t pointed forward or down then you’re doing it wrong.
If your thumbs aren’t touching the slide then you’re doing it wrong.
If your thumbs ARE touching the slide then you’re doing it wrong.
If you’re not using Weaver stance, you’re doing it wrong.
If you’re not using Isosceles stance, you’re doing it wrong.
If you care about stance in the first place then you’re wrong.

They way you have your pistol setup is also wrong. You’re using the wrong sights, the wrong trigger, the wrong gee-whiz-bang aftermarket parts…you’re even using the wrong gun. What I’m using is obviously better. My choices, what works for me, clearly negates what works for you.

The caliber you chose, since it’s different than the one I chose, is wrong. The only caliber that will work in a gunfight is the one I have chosen.

And don’t get me started on your rifle.

If you’re using an AR-15, you doing it wrong. It’s a jam-o-matic and only idiots use them. Also, they fire the wussy little 5.56 round, which as we all know is barely adequate to kill cats squirrels.

If you’re using an AK variant, you’re doing it wrong. Commie guns suck, and only commies use them. They barely shoot 5 MOA on a perfect day when unicorns are flying over the windless range farting butterflies. Oh, and all commie ammo is corrosive, just like the commies themselves.

And just like your pistol setup, your rifle setup is completely wrong. Because it’s different from mine.

Your sling, where and how you attached it, is wrong. Your butt stock isn’t adjusted right. It’s too far, too close, the wrong butt stock to begin with. Your sights are the wrong choice, because everyone knows that real commando operators use [insert sights here]. And your optic? Please. If it’s not [insert optic here] then it’s wrong.

Lower 1/3 co-witness? Wrong. Absolute co-witness? Wrong. Don’t know what a co-witness is? Wrong. Care about co-witnessing in the first place? Wrong.

If you’re not proficient with irons out to 1,000 yards in the dark off hand, then you don’t need an optic at all. And certainly not THAT optic. Wrong again.

You’ve got a laser mounted to your rifle? Really? What is this Call of Duty? You’re wrong.

You DON’T have a laser mounted to your rifle? Cool airsoft gear bro. You’re wrong.

You should keep your rifle setup simple. Sling and irons. Everything else is stupid and wrong.

You should hang as much crap off your rifle as space allows. Sling and irons only? Wrong.

If you’re not using [insert brand here] mags then you’re doing it wrong.

No one needs THAT many rails on a rifle. You’re wrong.

There are no rails on your handguard? You’re doing it wrong.

Everyone should have a weapon light mounted to their rifle, but not THAT light. You’re wrong.

You use a magwell grip? You’re wrong. You should be using the super tactical thumb over bore grip.

You’re using the thumb over bore grip? That’s retarded and was invented to feed fanboys. You’re doing it wrong.

You grip somewhere in the middle of the handguard? Well obviously you have no idea what you’re doing and you can’t make up your mind. You’re doing it wrong.

You see, my choices are the only right choices. What works for me MUST work for everyone else, and all contradictory choices are wrong. And this being the internet, I feel obliged to tell you.

End rant.

36 Responses to You’re Doing it Wrong

  1. Billy June 7, 2013 at 8:58 pm #

    so right…… +100

  2. TK June 7, 2013 at 9:06 pm #

    Hell. Yes. Thank you!!!! I’m so sick of the internet commandos I could PUKE.

  3. Chet Weber June 7, 2013 at 9:19 pm #

    :-D

    But you forgot one thing:

    You’re wrong.

    ;-)

  4. J June 7, 2013 at 9:20 pm #

    My head hurts now…

  5. Cameron June 7, 2013 at 9:25 pm #

    It’s a real tragedy for the gun community that the 1-2% of elite operator SWAT Commando SEAL Ranger Recon Mall Ninjas ruin it for the rest of us. Great post.

    • DT1diver June 7, 2013 at 11:06 pm #

      Affirmative your last. Out.

  6. EL June 7, 2013 at 9:25 pm #

    This all sounds strangely familiar….

  7. Anthony June 7, 2013 at 9:26 pm #

    You’re wrong.

  8. Hillbilly Bob June 7, 2013 at 9:27 pm #

    Mannnn I ALWAYS do it wrong, I am so tired of being wrong, is it wrong that I am so wrong all the time?
    I know what you’re saying though and I always use the KISS method for my firerms

  9. Lane June 7, 2013 at 9:36 pm #

    If you can hit the target consistently in the place you’re aiming at under “good” or “bad” conditions you’re not doing anything wrong. Unless I think you are.

  10. Jake June 7, 2013 at 10:01 pm #

    I love hearing all the keyboard commandos telling people they are wrong if they aren’t using the super duper thumb over bore grip that all the cool kids are doing these days.

    Retarded if you ask me.

  11. Ebbs June 7, 2013 at 10:09 pm #

    Everyone knows unicorns don’t fart butterflies. They poop skittles. Or is it both? Either way you’re WRONG!!!

    • Brandon June 7, 2013 at 10:34 pm #

      LOL

  12. Jim June 7, 2013 at 10:33 pm #

    Actually most people I meet at the range etc are pretty nice. And knock on wood most people paraphrase comments with this works for me but might not for you.

    • Brandon June 7, 2013 at 10:35 pm #

      At the range? I completely agree. People are polite and respectful in person for the most part. The internet however…

      • Al Cohol June 8, 2013 at 7:20 pm #

        Exactly.

        Everyones fucking wrong on the internet! Yet at the same time they’re all fucking right! Whats going on?!

  13. amistoso June 7, 2013 at 10:38 pm #

    LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!

  14. Chris Knowles June 7, 2013 at 11:06 pm #

    Sooo wrong lol

  15. shuttle June 8, 2013 at 5:15 am #

    You are wrong and opinionated. lol

  16. Carmine June 8, 2013 at 7:40 am #

    I’d be willing to bet that at least one in every 25 people who read this blog won’t get it and will be offended… and they’ll be WRONG! Of course it’s probably one in every 24 people so I guess I’m wrong too… Damn!

  17. Brian in Seattle June 8, 2013 at 8:11 pm #

    Who the hell do you think you are? Rick Taylor?

    • Hillbilly Bob June 8, 2013 at 8:43 pm #

      You’re more than likely wrong

  18. Donald Lewis June 8, 2013 at 10:38 pm #

    I want to give you a high five but you would do it wrong.

  19. Stacy June 9, 2013 at 8:07 am #

    I just want to see a unicorn fart butterflies. Just once!

  20. BS June 9, 2013 at 9:25 am #

    Awesome!

  21. NWGlocker June 9, 2013 at 11:04 am #

    Holy spit…you’re right.

    Thanks for the belly laugh…from a TTAG link-over

  22. jeepdude June 9, 2013 at 2:56 pm #

    what?

  23. Psydr007 June 10, 2013 at 1:51 am #

    I needed a good laugh today Brandon. Thank you!

  24. davidglenparsons June 10, 2013 at 8:49 am #

    This is the single greatest blog that I have ever read.

    • Brandon June 10, 2013 at 8:55 am #

      Thanks, feel free to share. :)

      • davidglenparsons June 10, 2013 at 10:16 pm #

        Yep. I’ve got it up on my Facebook timeline.

  25. CB Demented June 10, 2013 at 5:12 pm #

    The beauty of not having the money to train often, is I know I’m wrong ;)

  26. Barry June 10, 2013 at 10:22 pm #

    So freakin perfect.

  27. Greg June 11, 2013 at 12:37 am #

    Sorry, YOU’RE WRONG!!! MY way is the RIGHT way! The ONLY way to do it is MY way. See?

    I love it!

  28. White Knightmare June 11, 2013 at 12:53 am #

    I can rest easy knowing that I am doing it wrong.

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